Grasping for Straws?

One billion plastic, petroleum-based, non-biodegradable straws are used every day worldwide. In the US alone, over 500 million plastic straws are used every day and most of those end up in the oceans, polluting the water and killing marine life. An estimated 71% of seabirds and 30% of turtles have been found with plastics in their stomachs. When they ingest plastic, marine life has a 50% mortality rate.  If we don’t act now, by the year 2050 there will be more plastic in the ocean than fish. What would our oceans be without marine life?

I was meaning to get my first set of metal straws, as it meant one less plastic straw polluting the environment, when a friend shared a post on bamboo straws. The straws are made from real whole bamboo stalks – nothing re-compressed or processed. It meant no inks, no dyes, no chemicals and it still meant no more throw-away plastic straws... Why the heck not! It's a natural alternative to disposable plastic straws. Didn't have to think twice about it and sent in my orders.

Kaway Bamboo Straws

KAWAY Bamboo Drinking Straws are manufactured by the residents of Sapang Kawayan, Norzagaray, Bulacan in the Philippines (my Dad's hometown, although I've never been!) These reusable bamboo straws are sold in sets of 12, packaged in a pouch made of telang katsa. Kaway Bamboo straws are made from 100% certified organic bamboo. No chemicals have been used in the manufacture of these bamboo straws. They are durable, reusable, biodegradable and cut from nature. These bamboo drinking straws are a fun and eco-friendly alternative to plastic that can be used with any beverage.

No straw please!

One drinking straw can be used for 30 days. They are washable and reusable. All you need to do is rinse them out under the tap after every use or shake in a jar of warm soapy water. Every month or so, you can boil a pot of vinegar water mix and soak the straws for a few minutes or clean with a pipe cleaner.

Plastic straw-free drink

 These bamboo straws are also ideal as corporate giveaways, wedding souvenirs, gift packs, and many other important events. With every purchase of Kaway Bamboo Straw, you are providing livelihood opportunities to the mothers and other residents of Sapang Kawayan, Norzagaray, Bulacan.

One bamboo straw means one less plastic straw polluting the environment! Who will take that little step with me to help the environment?

Bring your own bamboo straw today and let's help save Mother Earth... one straw at a time!

Gorgeous at 30, Charming at 40, Irresistible for The Rest of my Life.

A message in my inbox surprised me. A friend, younger than I am said I am making singleness seem flawless and wishes I could write about it. I am smiling as I write this... I certainly had never expected to be single in my 40s. Still, I find myself remarkably happy most of the time. There are moments, of course, of frustration and grief over not having love, marriage and children. But I have come to realize that I’m happy despite the fact that my life did not turn out as expected. When I was younger, I always thought I’d be washed up and lonely if I didn’t marry at 40. That’s what a lot of people told me as I turned 30, and then 35, and then 40. But honestly, being single at this age is a game changer. I never met the right person, so I never settled. It’s not a priority for me anymore. Instead, I worked hard getting the other parts of my life right and I’m so happy I did.

“Never married” means you must have some neurotic trait that makes you impossible to live with and love. Families think you’re too picky, friends say your too career-focused and dates assume you’re high maintenance. It’s sad that having a marriage under your belt is considered a sign you’re not damaged goods. I don’t want 20-somethings today to feel that stigma at 40. As women, we finally can enjoy choices previous generations fought for. Getting married isn’t a forgone conclusion or a result of a pregnancy test. For my mothers’ generation, it was just expected that you marry and have kids. If you weren’t happy with that, then there was something wrong with you. Today we know in theory at least, that marriage and baby is not an automatic “pass go” to happiness.

I don’t dismiss the powerful effect that societal messages about “wedded bliss” have on young women. However, I think some of the judgment is in our own heads. It’s another case of thinking other people are spending way more time thinking about you than they do. Yes, we are fascinated by the Cinderella stories (and their break-down) but that doesn’t apply to real life where we are caught up in our own issues.

Being single in your 40s can be very fulfilling. It’s like being single in your 20s with less stress. By 40 you likely have more disposable income than at 20 and less responsibility than a couple. Once you get past the judgment, there’s a lot of freedom. I can’t remember the last time I felt lonely. Sure, I’ve had weekends where I was home alone baking, sleeping, or reading, when it felt like everyone else was at the beach. And I’ve been in a room full of people, feeling like I just want to be home, by myself. But lonely, truly lonely? I haven’t felt that in a long time. That’s because, as the saying goes, wherever I go, there I am. And I’ve got a full, rich life, one I’ve created for myself. It is by no means the life I expected to have at age 43, but it’s an abundant life in its own magnificent way. It’s a new kind of happiness I’m quite proud to have achieved and call my own.

I have the unconditional love of my mom, a sister, sister-in-law, a niece I am besotted by. My friends are there for me in the worst of times and the best of times and more importantly, in all the times in between. I’ve learned in my forties that being single is rarely lonely when you’ve cultivated strong relationships with others. My friends are indeed the family I choose.

In my 20s, I never imagined I wouldn’t be a mother in my 40s. In my 30s, or at least until my late 30s, I never imagined I would be single in my 40s. But here I am, single and childless in my mid-40s. And while I would be so grateful to find a for-the-rest-of-my-life kind of love (and with God’s help, motherhood), I’m right here and right now, single and in my forties. I choose to accept and appreciate my extraordinary life, and continue to live my life to its greatest potential.

Love is still ahead of me and I won’t settle for anything less. And if I’m lucky, neither will he.

Me (The Doormat)... Not!

Just recently, a friend (supposedly) had everything in his life (work, family, love…) gone wrong (read: feeling like a two-by-four hitting him on the head). And since I'm a pretty good counselor, I tolerated him calling me at all hours in the night (and even when I'm at work), even me missing work just so he could vent out his anger and frustrations (translate: whine, moan and bitch) over his work and family. He probably looked upon me as a comfort, a reassuring constant that remains in this tumultuous, chaotic whirl of loss--and renewal. But now that everything seems fine, he's nowhere to be found. The least the creep could have done was send some flowers or something -- a note, email, text message, instant message… but no, nothing, nada! And there were "unmentionable" things he did too!

OK! So I tried to help, but he screwed me over! I should learn from it. I've got to wake up and smell the coffee here. When a pal does something hurtful to you, it can feel like your heart's been chewed up and spit out onto the pavement. It's tough when someone you thought was your friend pulls a fast one on you. Betrayal can launch you into an emotional tailspin. Your thoughts might range from, "Why would someone who supposedly cares about me do something so mean?" to "How dare he!" Of course, most of the time, it'll be big of you to (gulp!) forgive.

Recovering from any kind of betrayal is never easy. No matter what the issue once was, forgiveness is always a difficult -- but real -- part of friendships. Many people think that they must just let go of the past to move on. Along with causing grief and trepidation, that approach limits personal growth. Rather than hate a period of our life, the person we "used to be" or people we've met along the way, learn to find the way each experience helped us become strong. When we take this approach our entire life opens up and we begin to build bridges naturally. Then, each person we meet -- whether we like them or not -- becomes another bridge, a new way to deepen the love and understanding we become capable of.

But, then again, there are those rare instances when it's OK to say "See ya!" and times, when the friend's offense is more severe, it's definitely better -- even wiser -- to forget the so-called friendship. I was a doormat for too long- and I'm done being one!

What Makes a Confident Woman?

We all know these women who stride with an air of grace into a room. They’re not always the thinnest, prettiest, or smartest. They’re not arrogant.

A lot of things enhance the power of a woman: a sparking personality, quick wit, developed intellect, impeccable style… but above all, confidence is the best asset any woman could have. It can be one of her most powerful assets, all that other shit fades with time. Her confidence shows through everything. It speaks louder than her career, the shoes she wears, the places she travels, and sometimes even louder than the books she reads. It is reflected in the way she carries herself and the way she treats others.

So, what distinguishes a truly confident woman from one who is just trying too hard?

A confident woman holds high standards for who she allows in her life, both as friends and intimately. She knows her value and will not let anyone who drags her down into her circles. She does not settle for those who don’t deserve her time or attention. If someone brings drama or negativity to her life, she immediately realizes it’s time to cut them out, or at least lessen her time with them.

A confident woman recognizes herself and her talents as being unique and valuable. She utilizes her skills to advance herself in life and accomplish the goals she sets for herself. She does not to succumb to societal pressures of what she ‘should’ be like or ‘should do’ – she is her own person and not lose sight of her own worth just because someone else may not see it.

A confident woman is self-reliant and strives to learn new things. She grabs life by the horns every chance she gets. She fixes something that breaks in the house. A renaissance woman has no need to rely on anyone. She does not put herself in positions where she must be taken care of. She appreciates those who do things for her out of love because she knows it’s a sign they care for her, although she doesn't need them to. She does not let a man, or anyone, define her. A woman who relies on having a man in her life to define her self-worth will always be chasing after people, instead of realizing her value and letting them come to her.

A confident woman continues to be her loving, caring self, regardless of who appreciates it or who doesn’t. She is who she is because of her, not anyone else. If someone doesn’t value her, she understands it has more to do with them, and less to do with her. She does not let someone change her in this way. She does not allow herself to be changed by the actions of others. She is nice to others because of who she is, not because of who they are.

A confident woman is content with her own self-worth and the adoration of those who love her. She presents herself with cool, calm, and collected class. She does not feel the need to publicly compliment herself or chase after attention. She doesn’t need to seek validation from others in order to make her feel good about herself, and she understands the only true lasting confidence comes from within. And perhaps most of all, a confident woman knows what she wants.

A confident woman's purpose is to be authentically herself; no more, no less. When you start to applaud your fears, neuroses, and quirks, these qualities will suddenly become your best assets.

As for me, there's nothing that revives my confidence more than time alone. Wait, let me clarify that: time alone that I occupy with self-love. If I spend my alone time wallowing in misery, I perpetuate my insecurities. When I shower myself with love, I realign with my core values.

Know what you need to make this precious time with yourself the best time. There is nothing sexier than a woman who ADORES her own company.

Are you a confident woman or are you just trying too hard?

Anatomy of an Independent Woman

A card from months ago caught my attention this morning. It was from my niece and a part of it read "To the most independent woman I know..."

This got me thinking... many liken an independent woman to mystical, mythical creatures, a goddess even. But we are very real and loads of fun to get to know. We have strengths and weaknesses like everybody else, but can be very intimidating (as I've been often told!) This independence is, more often than not, my biggest enemy. It gets in the way of asking for help. I see it as a sign of weakness. Because of my I-can-do-it-on-my-own attitude, sometimes I may appear unapproachable. For this reason, I have a lot of acquaintances but very few close friends.  However, when you embrace my attitude of independence you will surely gain a close and loyal companion.

Our society teaches a young girl the importance of thinking for herself and making her own money, yet when she emerges into the real world as a strong, powerful, freethinking force — she instantly gets alienated. Society quickly lets her know opinionated girls are simply not welcome in this world. Our falsified sense of acceptance and fake open-mindedness is exceedingly dangerous. When we throw girls so many mixed messages at once, how can they possibly see the world clearly? We're instructing them to be self-assured, yet every pop culture song on the radio is a bubble gum blonde singing about how much she not only wants, but NEEDS a man. We're encouraging them to speak their glorious minds, and when they do, we tell them how radical and unlovable they are. We’re teaching them the importance of being self-sufficient, yet we still instruct them to marry only wealthy men.

An independent woman's confidence is not reliant on others, it comes from a far more powerful, stable place: within herself. An independent woman doesn't need you to tell her it's okay. She has her own set of rules that she penned herself with her own ink. She has the most powerful freedom of all, freedom of the mind. When your self-esteem is your own and isn’t dependent on shallow compliments or validation, it’s real confidence.

An independent woman attains independent thought. And you better believe she's not afraid of expressing her fresh perspective and well educated point-of-view either. She can not and will not be brainwashed into thinking or feeling a certain way, especially if it’s against her strong-willed code of ethics. She's got the genetics of a revolutionary and her morals are unbreakable. It’s not shaky and ever changing in time with the moods of those who surround her. An independent woman is not intimidated by the hierarchy. She knows she can hold her own anywhere, and that there is absolutely zero reason to be frightened unless in physical danger.

An independent woman is seen as a wildly intimidating creature, especially to those who use cheap fear tactics to gain respect, and understands that real authority is founded on respect, not through unkind actions and nasty words. She sees right through the mask of the token bitch. She's the kind that gives people anxiety when she enters a room. And that scares the shit out of people. An independent woman is so scary to the masses, because she really doesn't need anyone. Our society frightens women into needing it, as a means to control them.

An independent, outspoken, smart woman has accepted that not everyone is going to like her, and unlike a lot of women, that doesn’t throw her. She owns her thoughts, feelings and opinions with such a fierce intensity, that the endless stream of hate society bestows upon her simply isn’t enough to stop her from being her awesome, individual, authentic self.

Her feelings may get hurt from time to time, after all she’s not made from stone. She accepts not all feelings will be good, and she’s made peace with not being universally liked and approved of. She can’t help but be true to herself, despite the seemingly endless hurdles she has jumped through because of it.


While I may seem distant at times, I love to love. I love to follow Shakespeare’s advice "To thine own self be true." I know who I am and what I want. Don’t mistake my firmness for rudeness. I just know when to say “no” and when to move on. Do not be afraid to embrace my self-worth and appreciate my candid take on how I think I should be treated. As the divine independent woman, Mohadesa Najumi once said:

    "The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet."

Confessions of a Tomboy

In case many don't know the definition of a tomboy, it's a girl who enjoys  rough, noisy activities traditionally associated with boys. Many may not believe it now, but I grew up a tomboy. When I was in grade school, I rocked jeans and t-shirts and rubber shoes. While other girls were learning to do their makeup and curl their hair (never really learned how to curl my hair. I just end up burning my fingers and putting creases in my hair that makes it look like I've had it in a ponytail all day long), I was learning how to handle a slingshot. When other girls were fixing their hair everyday for class, mine was thrown in a haphazard low ponytail. Dresses were the bane of my existence. I thought makeup was the weirdest thing ever and the only color I had on my face were my freckles splattered on my face from long days outside riding my bike (which my Daddy taught me how to ride.) or playing basketball with my brother.

My Mom tried to raise a pink-loving, ballet-dancing little girl. But my Daddy won  - I came out tougher than nails who does not take shit from anyone. Although my appearance changed, my personality didn’t. I have definitely left the tomboy fashion behind. I still don't love painting my nails because they are always chipped, but I do my hair every morning. Now, I'm always wearing light makeup, and I do love a good sun dress. I am still incapable of wearing tights without ripping a hole in them so I just avoid them altogether. So yes, I did grow out of my tomboy stage like most girls do, but there are still a few exceptions. Many would say I got my Daddy's tongue and temper. Sometimes my mouth could use a little filter. God shook His head the day He built me. Oh, but I bet you there was a big grin plastered on His face and my Daddy couldn't be prouder and wouldn't trade me for anything in the world!

Although society may try and tell you something different, you can absolutely be a tomboy and a girly girl. Pick your battles, choose your favorites and just be you. Be the girl that walks into church wearing a gorgeous periwinkle dress with your favorite old converse, because trust me, being confident in both roles is much better than forcing yourself into something you’re not.

My Baby is Now a Lady

Nicole had turned 19 and something suddenly came over me, like a sledgehammer. Our baby girl is officially an adult. :'(

I remember years ago, she was so little then, she was our little angel. Sometimes, I can't help but wish that she was small again. She isn't a child anymore, though in our eyes, I guess she will always be that baby girl and little angel who changed our lives and who means the world to me. I can't believe our baby is gone. I feel like I'm mourning a death. Like I've lost her. I want to physically hold on to her, hug her, tell her how much i love her. I do it all the time.

For me, she left her wings. The next few years will so quickly fly. She doesn't know how much joy she truly brings. She brightens up my days with her her infectious laughs. She reminds me of all the blessings that I have. She is my world. I have no other passions or interests that occupy any place in my life. She is my life, my sunshine. She brings with her a sweetness that doesn't end. She is the reason I always try my best.

I love you 'Bam.

My Cousins are Better Than Yours

As kids, your cousins are usually the first friends you have. The rare kind of friends who remain close to you for so many years. You lost your grandparents all at the same time. Welcomed baby cousins into the family together. Dealt with family crisis one after the other, all at the same time. No one will ever understand your crazy family like your cousins do.

You once spoke about your careers and jobs, marriages and children. Girl cousins talked about being each other’s bridesmaids. You talked about how your kids would grow up together and play together all the time, like you once did. Cousins are the ones celebrating with you at your highs. They are the ones mourning with you at your lows. And an unprecedented kind of companionship can only come from that. Now that time is slowly creeping up on you, you wish you could go back to just playing together when the whole family meets up for lunch on Sundays and during the holidays.

Now that everyone's grown up, you don't get to spend time with each other as much as you would want to, as you all have your own families to take care of. But when you do get to see each other again, these times are a lot more entertaining. My cousin Kenneth just came back from the UK for a short vacation. We met up and caught up with each other over the weekend when they came to our house for lunch. It was total chaos. We then went ahead to enjoy a night of music and the "feel-at-home" outdoor dining experience at The Outpost, along Veterans' Drive in Lahug.

The place is an old house turned resto bar and hang-out place for aspiring rock musicians. The place was pretty packed that night, both indoors (where the main stage was) and outdoors, with a veranda with a couple tables (that we occupied) overseeing the stage only. The bar is also known to support local popular Cebuano bands like Fastpitch and Urbandub. So, if you’re looking for a place to hang out, try the Outpost, for good music, relaxing ambiance and an interesting menu of local drinks and hang-out food (their Pork Sisig is to die for).

Good music and good food shared with good company, I couldn't think of any better way to end my week right. Because you’re more than just friends (you’re blood), the ties that bind you with your cousins are deep. The pride and loyalty you have for your family, fierce. While friends will be there for you when you call, cousins will show up just because there’s food.

Celebration of Life and Death

Oh how I wanted to hate and be angry at you for leaving. We didn’t know how sick you were. We all thought it was just heartburn. No one could’ve prevented it. I asked you to have it checked out all the time, but you being you, you didn’t think about yourself but worried more about everyone else.  If only you had.

I miss you so much.  There are times that the pain comes out of nowhere, as if I was brought back those first few minutes of that frightful night. You just don’t know how much I miss you. I keep thinking of things to come that I could no longer share/celebrate with you. My birthday came and I was reminded of how you would always be the first to greet me on my birthdays. It felt different because there was one greeting missing.

The other day, I woke up in the middle of the night, had coffee, wishing you were there to share a cup with me while watching senseless TV with the wolves. The emptiness I feel will never be filled and missing you will become even more painful in the coming years —in grandiose moments of celebrations and flitting moments of weakness. I miss you the most when I'm frustrated with work or with friends. You were always willing to let me just rant and rant. I counted on you to be there, to protect me. I guess that's why I miss you.

All I know is that you are helping me survive. Does not matter if there is a granite plaque and a stone wall protecting you from this world — I can feel a certain closeness with you, taking comfort in the knowledge that I could go and visit you anytime I want to. You left too soon. I hope you know that to us, you were a perfect brother, a perfect son to Mommy, a perfect husband to Achie and the best father to Nicole. Everyone loved you despite your problems. I hope your wounds – both physical and mental – are healed, and that you are safe there.

It has been a year since you have left us. It amazes me sometimes how I survived a full year without you, I can only wonder when I will see you again. 

Love you Manoy.

Mi Corazon at 69

There’s no bond quite like that between a mother and her child. She knows me in ways no one else ever will. She sees in me all the things I can still become and continue having faith that I can do and be whatever I want, no matter what my age. She is my number 1 fan, my confidant, my turn-to-person, my mentor, my hero when my whole world comes crashing down.  She is the first one I go to tell when things are doing great. The comfort coming from the friendship I have with her, the confidence that her faith in me in stills, and her unquestioning support of whatever I do, is irreplaceable. The kind of there-for-me that she is, is the very essence of what makes her a great mother.

When I think of the many words that I could use to describe my mother, one word that comes to mind is “COACH”. She ALWAYS gives me that PUSH I need in my life. When I was a child she encouraged me to always do what was right. In all of my forty years, she's also my taskmaster, my co-conspirator and, sometimes, even my loan officer. She taught me so many things, probably a lot more than what was taught in school.

Although you might not have pegged her as a business woman, she taught me about the art of deal-making. There were times she would say, "Okay, let us make a deal."  These deals never had any strings attached to them, which is why I always felt loved, but never made it in sales.

She taught me a lot about strength and endurance. In my case, it was trying to open recalcitrant jar tops for her or bringing down heavy boxes. But more often than not, it is her strength that I learned from, especially when Manoy passed away last year. We all worried so much about her, but she worried more about us. While many in her position may have become weaker, I saw her become stronger. She lived on because this family is her life and we are still here. We gave her strength, but unbeknownst to her, she gave us more.

She had taught me a lot of things about love and the meaning of family. Sometimes it is a play-by-play on the telenovela she is watching, regardless of whether or not I am interested. But most often, it is how she shows her unconditional love to not only blood relations, but to everyone – wife, husband, friend, girlfriend or boyfriend – ex or present of each member of the family. To her family, is not genetic, but a feeling. Once you were loved by someone she loved, she loved you.

She is the central hub of our family. The keystone in the arch. The foundation of our lives. I could talk endlessly about how amazing my mother is. I wear her unconditional love and support around me like a big hug every single day. She is my best friend, and that’s why I tell her as much as I can how grateful I am to have someone as amazing as she is as my mother.

Mom, I am so blessed to have you in my life. I’ve probably said it before, but I'll say it again — You are my angel on earth, Mom. Thank you for always, always being at my side and having my back. No one is in my corner quite the way you are. I treasure you, Mom, and love you more than life itself. You are an amazing soul ever ready to learn something new, always open to differing opinions, and so compassionate and kind. You have always taught by example. There will never be a day in my life when I won’t need you. I’m here for you too. Please remember that.

Happy, happy, happy birthday, Mom. Thank you for making my world a better place.