What Makes a Confident Woman?

We all know these women who stride with an air of grace into a room. They’re not always the thinnest, prettiest, or smartest. They’re not arrogant.

A lot of things enhance the power of a woman: a sparking personality, quick wit, developed intellect, impeccable style… but above all, confidence is the best asset any woman could have. It can be one of her most powerful assets, all that other shit fades with time. Her confidence shows through everything. It speaks louder than her career, the shoes she wears, the places she travels, and sometimes even louder than the books she reads. It is reflected in the way she carries herself and the way she treats others.

So, what distinguishes a truly confident woman from one who is just trying too hard?

A confident woman holds high standards for who she allows in her life, both as friends and intimately. She knows her value and will not let anyone who drags her down into her circles. She does not settle for those who don’t deserve her time or attention. If someone brings drama or negativity to her life, she immediately realizes it’s time to cut them out, or at least lessen her time with them.

A confident woman recognizes herself and her talents as being unique and valuable. She utilizes her skills to advance herself in life and accomplish the goals she sets for herself. She does not to succumb to societal pressures of what she ‘should’ be like or ‘should do’ – she is her own person and not lose sight of her own worth just because someone else may not see it.

A confident woman is self-reliant and strives to learn new things. She grabs life by the horns every chance she gets. She fixes something that breaks in the house. A renaissance woman has no need to rely on anyone. She does not put herself in positions where she must be taken care of. She appreciates those who do things for her out of love because she knows it’s a sign they care for her, although she doesn't need them to. She does not let a man, or anyone, define her. A woman who relies on having a man in her life to define her self-worth will always be chasing after people, instead of realizing her value and letting them come to her.

A confident woman continues to be her loving, caring self, regardless of who appreciates it or who doesn’t. She is who she is because of her, not anyone else. If someone doesn’t value her, she understands it has more to do with them, and less to do with her. She does not let someone change her in this way. She does not allow herself to be changed by the actions of others. She is nice to others because of who she is, not because of who they are.

A confident woman is content with her own self-worth and the adoration of those who love her. She presents herself with cool, calm, and collected class. She does not feel the need to publicly compliment herself or chase after attention. She doesn’t need to seek validation from others in order to make her feel good about herself, and she understands the only true lasting confidence comes from within. And perhaps most of all, a confident woman knows what she wants.

A confident woman's purpose is to be authentically herself; no more, no less. When you start to applaud your fears, neuroses, and quirks, these qualities will suddenly become your best assets.

As for me, there's nothing that revives my confidence more than time alone. Wait, let me clarify that: time alone that I occupy with self-love. If I spend my alone time wallowing in misery, I perpetuate my insecurities. When I shower myself with love, I realign with my core values.

Know what you need to make this precious time with yourself the best time. There is nothing sexier than a woman who ADORES her own company.

Are you a confident woman or are you just trying too hard?

Anatomy of an Independent Woman

A card from months ago caught my attention this morning. It was from my niece and a part of it read "To the most independent woman I know..."

This got me thinking... many liken an independent woman to mystical, mythical creatures, a goddess even. But we are very real and loads of fun to get to know. We have strengths and weaknesses like everybody else, but can be very intimidating (as I've been often told!) This independence is, more often than not, my biggest enemy. It gets in the way of asking for help. I see it as a sign of weakness. Because of my I-can-do-it-on-my-own attitude, sometimes I may appear unapproachable. For this reason, I have a lot of acquaintances but very few close friends.  However, when you embrace my attitude of independence you will surely gain a close and loyal companion.

Our society teaches a young girl the importance of thinking for herself and making her own money, yet when she emerges into the real world as a strong, powerful, freethinking force — she instantly gets alienated. Society quickly lets her know opinionated girls are simply not welcome in this world. Our falsified sense of acceptance and fake open-mindedness is exceedingly dangerous. When we throw girls so many mixed messages at once, how can they possibly see the world clearly? We're instructing them to be self-assured, yet every pop culture song on the radio is a bubble gum blonde singing about how much she not only wants, but NEEDS a man. We're encouraging them to speak their glorious minds, and when they do, we tell them how radical and unlovable they are. We’re teaching them the importance of being self-sufficient, yet we still instruct them to marry only wealthy men.

An independent woman's confidence is not reliant on others, it comes from a far more powerful, stable place: within herself. An independent woman doesn't need you to tell her it's okay. She has her own set of rules that she penned herself with her own ink. She has the most powerful freedom of all, freedom of the mind. When your self-esteem is your own and isn’t dependent on shallow compliments or validation, it’s real confidence.

An independent woman attains independent thought. And you better believe she's not afraid of expressing her fresh perspective and well educated point-of-view either. She can not and will not be brainwashed into thinking or feeling a certain way, especially if it’s against her strong-willed code of ethics. She's got the genetics of a revolutionary and her morals are unbreakable. It’s not shaky and ever changing in time with the moods of those who surround her. An independent woman is not intimidated by the hierarchy. She knows she can hold her own anywhere, and that there is absolutely zero reason to be frightened unless in physical danger.

An independent woman is seen as a wildly intimidating creature, especially to those who use cheap fear tactics to gain respect, and understands that real authority is founded on respect, not through unkind actions and nasty words. She sees right through the mask of the token bitch. She's the kind that gives people anxiety when she enters a room. And that scares the shit out of people. An independent woman is so scary to the masses, because she really doesn't need anyone. Our society frightens women into needing it, as a means to control them.

An independent, outspoken, smart woman has accepted that not everyone is going to like her, and unlike a lot of women, that doesn’t throw her. She owns her thoughts, feelings and opinions with such a fierce intensity, that the endless stream of hate society bestows upon her simply isn’t enough to stop her from being her awesome, individual, authentic self.

Her feelings may get hurt from time to time, after all she’s not made from stone. She accepts not all feelings will be good, and she’s made peace with not being universally liked and approved of. She can’t help but be true to herself, despite the seemingly endless hurdles she has jumped through because of it.


While I may seem distant at times, I love to love. I love to follow Shakespeare’s advice "To thine own self be true." I know who I am and what I want. Don’t mistake my firmness for rudeness. I just know when to say “no” and when to move on. Do not be afraid to embrace my self-worth and appreciate my candid take on how I think I should be treated. As the divine independent woman, Mohadesa Najumi once said:

    "The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet."

Confessions of a Tomboy

In case many don't know the definition of a tomboy, it's a girl who enjoys  rough, noisy activities traditionally associated with boys. Many may not believe it now, but I grew up a tomboy. When I was in grade school, I rocked jeans and t-shirts and rubber shoes. While other girls were learning to do their makeup and curl their hair (never really learned how to curl my hair. I just end up burning my fingers and putting creases in my hair that makes it look like I've had it in a ponytail all day long), I was learning how to handle a slingshot. When other girls were fixing their hair everyday for class, mine was thrown in a haphazard low ponytail. Dresses were the bane of my existence. I thought makeup was the weirdest thing ever and the only color I had on my face were my freckles splattered on my face from long days outside riding my bike (which my Daddy taught me how to ride.) or playing basketball with my brother.

My Mom tried to raise a pink-loving, ballet-dancing little girl. But my Daddy won  - I came out tougher than nails who does not take shit from anyone. Although my appearance changed, my personality didn’t. I have definitely left the tomboy fashion behind. I still don't love painting my nails because they are always chipped, but I do my hair every morning. Now, I'm always wearing light makeup, and I do love a good sun dress. I am still incapable of wearing tights without ripping a hole in them so I just avoid them altogether. So yes, I did grow out of my tomboy stage like most girls do, but there are still a few exceptions. Many would say I got my Daddy's tongue and temper. Sometimes my mouth could use a little filter. God shook His head the day He built me. Oh, but I bet you there was a big grin plastered on His face and my Daddy couldn't be prouder and wouldn't trade me for anything in the world!

Although society may try and tell you something different, you can absolutely be a tomboy and a girly girl. Pick your battles, choose your favorites and just be you. Be the girl that walks into church wearing a gorgeous periwinkle dress with your favorite old converse, because trust me, being confident in both roles is much better than forcing yourself into something you’re not.