Me (The Doormat)... Not!

Just recently, a friend (supposedly) had everything in his life (work, family, love…) gone wrong (read: feeling like a two-by-four hitting him on the head). And since I'm a pretty good counselor, I tolerated him calling me at all hours in the night (and even when I'm at work), even me missing work just so he could vent out his anger and frustrations (translate: whine, moan and bitch) over his work and family. He probably looked upon me as a comfort, a reassuring constant that remains in this tumultuous, chaotic whirl of loss--and renewal. But now that everything seems fine, he's nowhere to be found. The least the creep could have done was send some flowers or something -- a note, email, text message, instant message… but no, nothing, nada! And there were "unmentionable" things he did too!

OK! So I tried to help, but he screwed me over! I should learn from it. I've got to wake up and smell the coffee here. When a pal does something hurtful to you, it can feel like your heart's been chewed up and spit out onto the pavement. It's tough when someone you thought was your friend pulls a fast one on you. Betrayal can launch you into an emotional tailspin. Your thoughts might range from, "Why would someone who supposedly cares about me do something so mean?" to "How dare he!" Of course, most of the time, it'll be big of you to (gulp!) forgive.

Recovering from any kind of betrayal is never easy. No matter what the issue once was, forgiveness is always a difficult -- but real -- part of friendships. Many people think that they must just let go of the past to move on. Along with causing grief and trepidation, that approach limits personal growth. Rather than hate a period of our life, the person we "used to be" or people we've met along the way, learn to find the way each experience helped us become strong. When we take this approach our entire life opens up and we begin to build bridges naturally. Then, each person we meet -- whether we like them or not -- becomes another bridge, a new way to deepen the love and understanding we become capable of.

But, then again, there are those rare instances when it's OK to say "See ya!" and times, when the friend's offense is more severe, it's definitely better -- even wiser -- to forget the so-called friendship. I was a doormat for too long- and I'm done being one!